Monday, December 3, 2007

Been awhile since I last posted.

I did mention that I doubted I would post often. I just came across something I thought I'd write about here.

The Rules, for men.

I'm just going to be highlighting certain parts of this article and saying some things what I think.

"I want to create a set of rules that men will go by when dating that will protect themselves, cuts down on the bullshit, and of course encourages the behavior in women to drop the games and act more in accordance with what men want
So, he's creating a set of rules that hopefully will get women to act how men want. It's interesting that he says that men who want to change how the game is played should play by these rules. Is this encouraging men to play games too, the result of the game being to control womens behavior to make it more acceptable to men?
Huh.
"RULE 1: You are the prize, she must work for you.Reason: Because in this day and age not only are you bringing down income, you are the one who has built his own empire: a nice car, house, good reputation. You are also trained how to handle the domestic side of things i.e cooking, cleaning…. because most “liberated” women no longer do this and don’t know how. So in the end what does she offer other than sex which you can get from any woman? See right there you are the prize not her."
Perhaps the women you're dating works and has gained a nice car, or has a good reputation or whatever, or knows how to be domestic, or I don't know. Does scuba diving for a hobby. How do you know the women you're dating doesn't have any of these qualities that seem to be valued? "In the end what does she offer but sex?" well, she could offer a lot of things. There are a lot of different women out there with a lot of different values.
Treating all women as if they're unable to do anything apart from have sex from the get go is quite an assumption to make.
I mean. Value yourself. Think good of yourself. Date someone who thinks good of you and respects you. I don't mean to say people shouldn't value what they bring to a relationship, and shouldn't value themselves, but assuming that the other person won't bring anything (merely because of their gender.) doesn't seem right.
"As a man you're the only person who will bring anything of value to the relationship."
Healthy message there...

RULE 2: You make the rules.Reason: Its not your job to jump through hops, you work for a living, you have friends, you simply just have better things to do. Speaking of better things to do, being the one that sets the rules for wheither or not a woman gets to date you or keep dating you helps you weed out the losers. Because you simply have better things to do.
You make the rules because you're a man and as such it is not your job to jump through hoops for a living? Wait. So, it is the job of women to jump through hoops? Is that it?
Again - the women you are dating might work for a living. Or perhaps she keeps a tidy home, unpaid unrespected work, but still work. She doesn't have friends? She doesn't have things to do? "As a man you have things to do. Women don't have things to do." Interesting...
I like how choosing not to date someone who won't submit to the control of a man, simply because he's a man and therefore busy is seen as weeding out the losers.
Wanting to make the rules because you're a man is controlling.
RULE 3: Always use a condom.Reason: There are plently of women out there with “baby rabbies.” Just as there are plenty of women out there who forget to take their pill or simply lie about it. Do you want an 18+ prison sentence and pay support after raising the kid? No? Then wrap your shit up. Also dispose of that condom just in case she has any ideas for that sperm.
I don't disagree with this rule generally. If you don't want children then using birth control is the thing to do. There's some sexism in the "dispose of the condom in case she has any ideas for that sperm" bit though, as though women just go around trying to prison men for 18 years to satisfy their "baby rabies."
I don't know. I guess it'd be too hopeful to think that assuming women will "oops" men isn't something that should be assumed on the spot of all women.

RULE 4: Spend No More Than $60 On A DateReason: The more you spend does not translate into you getting laid. If you want to spend money getting laid, get a prostitute and if you do that you better spend more than 60 dollars and wrap it up tight.
If only this didn't go on to say that you should use that $60 to get a prostitute, and didn't assume that the only reason a man should or would date a woman is for sex, then I wouldn't disagree. (For reference, I'm a radical feminist. I oppose pornography as a form of violence and oppression of women. I understand there are a small amount of prostitutes that are happy with their job, that have not been raped, that have not been harassed or assaulted, are in control etc. but I care more about the prostitutes being used and abused. I don't support anyone who supports the prostitution industry.)
I don't think there's any reason to spend a lot of money on a date. I think cheap dates, like playing board games, or walking and talking down the beach are great.

RULE 5: Date More Than One Woman.Reason: Just because you two go on a date doesn’t mean you are going steady. Trust me she is dating more than one guy when she is with you.
As a woman I must say that I've never dated more then one man at a time. If you want to date more then one person at a time I don't think I have a problem with it. I don't think its inherently wrong. It is just something I've never done.
If you don't think going on a date means going steady then by all means date lots of people. Just uhhh... be sure to let each date know that's what you're doing and that's what you think. So there's no confusion or hurt feelings down the track. Seems only polite.
Also - it would be good not to assume all women date more then one person at once. They don't.

RULE 6: Never Say “I Love You.”Reason: She is your date not your wife. The longer you hold off saying “I Love You” the more she will die to hear it. Hold off just long enough one of two things will happen: 1. She will leave because she can’t win the game of making you say it when you probably don’t really mean it. 2. When you do say it, it will mean so much to hear you say it her will to act like typical skank will be broken, as long as you don’t shower her with “I Love Yous.”
Heyheyhey. The "typical skank" language got broken out here. My general take on this is don't say "I love you" unless you really mean it. Or 'cause love can be such a tricky beast if you honestly think you mean it.
When I start dating someone it can take a long time for the first "I love you" to come. I consider it long and hard. I don't say it unless I mean it. After that point the "I love yous" tend to get poured on the person I love though.
My lack of saying "I love you" is based in wanting, and trying to be honest about my feelings.
The lack of "I love yous" here in this rule seems to be rooted in controlling women so they don't act like "typical skanks."

RULE 7: THE FIRST DATE IS HER FIRST INTERVIEW.Reason: You are using the first date to find out wheither or not she is a loser. If you can get this done on the first date you will save yourself not just heartache, but money and time, which you can later use on the stuff you want to do.
I have no problem with this one. Perhaps strange to hear. But... no problem. Sorting out whether or not someone is suited to you, or if they're a loser is a good thing to get out of the way as early as possible, this goes for both genders 'o course. Dating is a process of finding people to partner with. If you find someone is for some reason not a good match for you, that's a good thing to know early.
Don't know if I'd put it as harshly as interviewing each other - but if that works it works.

RULE 8: IF YOU ARE PAYING YOU CALL THE SHOTS FOR THE DATE.Reason: Its your money, you control the time, the place, the day and what you do. Remember it was she that wanted to hang out with you in the first place, and if she doesn’t like what you do for fun how can she ever like you?
Hrrm. I don't enjoy everything my boyfriend enjoys. He plays a lot more video games then I do. He also likes things like skirmish. My boyfriend doesn't enjoy everything I enjoy. I like hanging out on the internet, fashion, and hanging out with my friends (many of whom he doesn't consider his friends.)
I love him though. I love him, I appreciate him. I feel so grateful that someone so great is in my life.
I'm tempted to agree that a person paying for a date should be able to define what is done on the date, but the tone of this is just so controlling again. If the person paying wants to I don't know... go hiking or something, (Paying for I don't know. The petrol or something. Or any equipment that might be taken along.) but the other person isn't up to it for whatever reason, you'd hope that they could think of something they'd both enjoy rather then the hiker saying "Well I want to go hiking, and I'm paying, so if you don't go hiking with me then I don't really think you're suited to me."
My problem is mostly one of tone.

RULE 9: There Are No Second Chances.Reason: She won’t give you any. She is old enough to know that she needs to bring her A game on a date. We are talking the total package, manners, sense of humor, up beat attitude, conversation skills and sense of adventure. If she seems “off” that night, you call it off. She should know better than to half ass a date.
Not giving a date a second chance is your prerogative. I certainly don't mind it. Saying all women never give men second chances? Sounds like a nasty generalization.

RULE 10: YOU WILL NOT ALLOW HER TO “TEST” YOU.Reason: You are not some social science project to see just how far you will go to make an ass out of yourself for her.
She's not allowed to "test" you, but your first date with her should be held like an interview, and if she's not had the best day and reflects it in her tone you should drop her for not meeting your standards?
It's only men that should treat dates as tests? Women shouldn't be able to do it too?

"RULE 11: FORGET EVERYTHING YOU THINK YOU KNOW ABOUT DATING AND LOVE.Reason: Because TV and your parents lied to you. When someone starts giving you the hollywood version of romance I want you to picture in your head a football stadium of people chanting OVER-RATED!"
If parents and TV (Particularly TV and media) are the only places you got information about dating then yeah. I'd agree with this. You don't have to, and I imagine shouldn't follow the hollywood/television version of romance. That goes for men and women methinks.
People don't abuse each other in hollywood romances. It happens in real life all the time. Not just big giant things like abuse either. Smaller things like "shouldn't we be living together by now, all our friends moved in with each other after X months"
If you don't feel ready to do something you feel you're "supposed" to have done by X time in your relationship, then don't do it.
Do what works for you and your relationship.

RULE 12: Trust Your Closest Friends.Reason: If they think see is a bitch and you can’t figure out why they are seeing something you can’t. Trust me women do this all the time.
Hrmm. I'll give this a general nod of approval, though so many people I know don't like my boyfriend and tell me he's a loser. If you're in love you could be blinded to negative aspects of your partner, but use your discretion.
Can't say I'm fond of the gendered slur "bitch."

RULE 13: If You Are Under 30 The Words “Long Term Relationship” Do Not Belong In Your Love Life.Reason: You are young, go out and have fun. Don’t worry most women won’t be mentally prepared to be mothers and wives until age 35. Then again there a plenty of women that will never be ready.
I'm young. Under 30. I tend to agree with the idea that young people shouldn't see the relationships they're in as the final one. The be all and end all. I'm in a relationship thats lasted three years, and I imagine will last quite a number of years to come, but then I've seen so many friends come out of relationships where they were smitten ending in early pain.
I don't know.
Hard to say whats right here. I'm young. I'm biased.
What I want in a relationship though? Neither simple fun, nor motherhood and wifedom. What I look to give and get in a relationship is emotional support, someone to spend time with not to be lonely. I'd want a partner to be willing to support me in times of trouble, and me them.
Like the time I payed my boyfriends rent for six months because he didn't have a job, or the times he's payed parts of my share of the electricity bill. Relationships to me are about supporting each other how you can.
You can lend people that important and serious support at a young age I think. But... I try to keep in my head that it mightn't last forever. That some unknown something could take it all away.
"I'll be with this person for the rest of my life" is something I can hardly bring myself to think. I'm too young to know.

RULE 14: No Weekend Dates, No Lunch Dates, No Double Dates.Reason: You are in demand, the less she has of you the more she will want. Lunch dates and double dates are meant to be harmless which will land you in the friends catogory.
This one seems to be about game playing, and controlling again. Urgh.

RULE 15: You Are An Asshole.Reason: Asshole’s get laid, nice guy’s get to hear about assholes getting laid.
I thought earlier it was said that people should throw away preconceived notions about love? Why throw this trope out there then? Also: If your entire motivation around being nice to women is to get laid, perhaps you're already an asshole.
Be nice to be nice, not because you think you'll get sex.

RULE 16: THE WORD “NEXT” SHALL BE IN YOUR DATING VOCABULARY.Reason: She tries to test you= Next. She tries to make you jealous by dating other guys= Next slut. She only likes expensive dates= Next you gold digger. The point is when she turns out to be a dud she’s fired. Or as Grounds Keeper Willie best put it “Back to the Loch with you Nessie!”
Again with that "men are the only people allowed to test" vibe. Also, you should date other women (because she's definitely dating other men) but if she's dating other men you should drop her, because she's a slut?
Double standards much?
Also. I like how they used slut there.
>.>
<.<

RULE 17: Don’t Buy Her Drinks, Gifts, Clothes.Reason: She is not your wife let her pay your own way.
Gifts, drinks, clothes etc. are nice but that is all they are. Nice gifts. If a guy wants to give them that is nice of him, but if he doesn't want to then he's not obligated. It was my birthday just now, my boyfriend didn't get me anything and I don't give a rats because gifts aren't something I care about.
'Sides. I like that I buy my own nice things. Then when I am able to buy them I feel a sense of accomplishment. "I worked hard for that thing and its mine"
Its a good feeling.

RULE 18: CHIVALRY IS DEAD WE ARE ALL EQUALS.Reason: Feminists killed this idea, so we are all equals which means no special treatment.
I thought this list was created so that women would start treating men the way they want to be treated? Isn't that "special treatment" the man who wrote this list is wanting?
At any rate, it certainly hasn't seemed so far that the person who wrote this list considers women to be equals. I mean, women are typically skanks and don't bring anything to relationships besides sex? That sounds like equal treatment there doesn't it.

RULE 19: ANY WOMAN IS REPLACALBE.Reason: Date enough women and you will see they pretty much are the same. Why do you think guys keep getting reminded of their ex’s even when they are dating a new girl.
Women are equal to us, but also they're all the same person. Way to generalize.

RULE 20: Exchanging Phone Numbers.Reason: You get hers, she doesn’t get yours.
Sounds.... fair?

RULE 21: YOU CALL ONCE ONLY ONCE.Reason: If she really wants to hang out with you she will call.
If you think she might not be on the same page as you, it might be best to let her know that you're not going to call more then once, but if you want to impose this rule on yourself go ahead.

RULE 22: YOU DO NOT DATE IN ORDER TO VALIDATE YOUR EXSISTANCE OR BECAUSE YOUR FRIENDS ALL HAVE WOMEN.Reason: You do it because it makes you happy, when it stops making you happy then you stop dating.
Seems sensible. I generally nod at this. I don't like the phrasing that your male friends "have women" like they own them or something.

RULE 23: When Your Level Of Importance To Her Drops, You Drop Her.Reason: You shouldn’t play second fiddle to her phone, sororiety, friends or other guys.
Seems controlling again. I mean, I think the person you're dating should be important to you, but I don't think that a partner should be the absolute most important thing in the other partners life.
Controlling how much your partner can see friends, talk to people on the phone and see other guys (who I'm guessing are also friends...) because you don't feel important enough? If feeling so important to someone means so much to you, and its something you value, then I can see how dating someone with other interests, and other important things/people mightn't be the best thing for you, and why you'd want to end it.
But - if say, you had something important to do at work, or I don't know. Someone you cared about in your family died, or even if you just want to sit back, chillax, and do your damn hobby (whatever it is) would you think it fair of a woman who was dating you to drop you, because you wanted to do other things in your life?
If a woman said "You're dropped. You spend too much time hanging out with the guys, and not enough time with me" would you consider it controlling or fair?
If so - think about that for a bit.

I've been writing stream of consciousness ideas for too long now. I might write more thoughts about these rules later.

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